The Hardest Part

One of the hardest parts about struggling with infertility is not knowing.

Not knowing when, or even if, our dream will come true.
Not being able to truly let myself look forward to the future
or make plans.
Never knowing what i should do next.

Trying not to get my hopes up every month, and watching
everyone around me finding it so easy to experience what i can’t.

However, I still have faith that everything happens for a reason
and i believe that God has a plan for me.
I just need to be patient and trust in Him.

 

So far this year… 

After being diagnosed with pcos in October 2014, my husband and I decided that we would try the old “relax and see what happens” method. Needless to say it didn’t work out for us.

In February 2016, I was put back onto birth control to try and regulate my non existent cycles. It. Was. Hell.  It was like being a 25 year old in a teenagers body. Ugh.

After doing a lot of research, I told my doctor I wanted to give metformin a go. She admitted she didn’t have much experience with pcos but agreed it was worth a shot.

In June, I swapped my birth control for what many women describe as a “miracle cure “.

I had myself convinced that June was our month. Every twinge and bubble meant something. On day fifty of my cycle I woke up in agony. Off to emergency we go, and after six hours of waiting, I was told I had an ovarian cyst “the size of a mandarin”.

Back at the doctors, and we both came to the same conclusion. Whether the metformin caused the cyst or not, it wasn’t worth risking it again.

Back to square one.

The Beginning

For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a Mum more than anything else but ever since getting my first period at 11, my cycles have been an irregular and painful nightmare. 

At 14, I was put on birth control. While the pills regulated my periods, they turned me into an even more hormonal monster. Needless to say, they didn’t last very long. 

3 years later, in 2008, I experienced my first ovarian cyst. I was in such extreme pain that everyone thought I had appendicitis! After two separate trips to the emergency department and two separate iv shots of morphine I was told that my ovarian cyst wasnt large enough to operate on and I was sent home with a script for codeine. 2 weeks of being either in agony or doped up and asleep followed. 

Fast forward to August 2014, my husband and I decided that we wanted to look into starting a family. I knew that I had stereotypical pcos characteristics (irregular periods, excess body hair etc) and we wanted to know how hard it would be for us to fall pregnant 

After blood tests and an ultrasound, we finally got an official diagnosis in October 2014.

Welcome to our journey!

I’m Ash and welcome to Our journey to Parenthood with Pcos. I have started this blog to share my story with others who might be going through the same struggle. I’ll be writing about everything that happens between now and (fingers crossed!!) the day we bring home our little miracle and maybe even beyond that. Who knows! I hope you enjoy!